“It’s a holly, jolly Christmas! The best time of the year! Oh, by golly, have a holly, jolly new year!” Burl Ives
This time of year is meant to be a happy celebration of life, love, and other positive emotions. Unfortunately, this time of year can often bring as much sorrow, regret, and anxiety as anything else. Seeing commercials on TV, in magazines, and on social media makes us feel that we are not living up to the standard of the season. To feel like we are not living up to what our friends are being able to do. Maybe we did not get the perfect gift, or someone else got a better gift. Our turkey was not as golden brown as the one on TV. Perhaps, your family liked someone else’s pie better. Or the house is not decorated enough or correctly. So, in this situation, we think we have done something wrong.
When in fact, We are Just Having Unrealistic Expectations.
So during this holiday season, we may need a recipe. One to help us be kind to ourselves. This way we can mix in gentility, cheer, and compassion for the season for everyone. I mean we get all kinds of recipes for cookies, casseroles, and other dishes during this time. Why not one for kindness, cheer, and compassion? You might be thinking, “How am I supposed to do that when there is so much going on? We have so many places to be and things to do! How am I going to make this ‘recipe’ for kindness?”. I get it.
During the holiday season, we often feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Literally running from place to place, never stopping to check on what is happening. We are just running and going through the motions. However, this recipe can help with that too. So want a recipe to be able to enjoy this time of year and all the things we will do? Try this one. Grab a mixing bowl and a large spoon. Mix the ingredients all together. Then place in individual cups and serve and enjoy.
1 Cup of Letting Go of Expectations
The first step is letting go of the thought that everything has to be perfect to be fun or enjoyable. Or the thought “It has to be like to commercial or what I saw on social media”. We often have these unrealistic expectations. The idea that things need to be picture-perfect and run smoothly to have a good time. When they don’t.
If you think about it, you have probably had more fun when things went a little bit off-script. Not to say that having a script is a bad idea just let it be a guideline. For example, if you are going home to see family that you have not seen in a while, it might be best if you just allow things to happen. Because you might have that annoying family member that steps on everyone’s nerves most of the time. He’s probably not going to change, and you are not responsible for making him change. The dog might eat the pie; someone will probably be late; the lights won’t work when you want them to but come on immediately after everyone is gone.
Despite everything not going ideally, this will not change the joy everyone feels. The joy of seeing and being connected to one another. When we let go of the expectation that things and ourselves need to be perfect, we are able to see all there is to celebrate. We are able to enjoy the moment and all the joy, magic, and fun that it possesses.
2 Cups of Choice
When we are heading somewhere for the holidays, we are always asking, “what can I bring? What can I do to help?” This is a wonderful gesture; most of us a grateful for the help and expression of helping. However, the best choice and gesture you can make is made before you leave your house and enter the event. It is the choice to be present and calm wherever you go to celebrate.
This choice is about the energy you are bringing to the room. Between the errands and cooking, pause and check in for a few minutes. What matters most is the energy you bring to the table, not the dish. Consciously choosing what type of energy you want to bring to the table or event is what everyone will sense or see. So, you make the choice to bring happiness, gratitude, compassion, joy, and excitement. These will add much more to the day and make everything taste a bit better as well.
3 Cups of Self
This can be a little bit harder to find in the grocery store; however, it is relatively easy to find when you know where to look. This ingredient is all about knowing that you are not responsible for everyone else’s happiness and feelings. You cannot control other people, AND you do not need to. Plus, can you imagine? It would be hard to do that for everyone and would take all the fun out of everything. Especially the holidays! Boring!! It is much more fun when we let people be who they are and accept them for who they are.
You can choose what you bring to the table, but you can’t control what others bring and your perspective. Sometimes it can be hard because we go into a family situation feeling like we are responsible for everyone having a good time. Our minds then begin to search for whatever we believe needs fixing. Then we only see what’s wrong and stop seeing all the fun that is going on around us. Bring your best energy and forget the rest! Sometimes a simple visualization of a big protective shield around us can help. It helps us not focus on the negative. We can use the shield to accept and receive positive emotions. However, it will not allow negative emotions to penetrate and thus impact what we feel.
Now Just Like the Recipe Says, Add These Ingredients And Mix Well.
Mix all your ingredients together, mix well, then place them in individual bowls, and enjoy. Because what you have is the recipe for memories of fun, kindness, and holiday magic. This season is not about gifts, food, tinsel, or lights. It is really about connecting with our friends, family, and loved ones. To be able to enjoy the time we have together. Life is short and unpredictable. It does not come with directions. It does come with chances, choices, and abundance. If we allow ourselves to be open to the gifts we each bring to the table, we will be amazed at the joy we can share. Enjoy this season, whatever you do. There are no guarantees! Enjoy the gift of life, family, and friends with all its imperfections.
Begin Anxiety Therapy in Richmond, VA
The holidays don’t have to be a source of anxiety, stress, and the feeling of not being good enough. With this recipe, you will be able to enjoy every moment of the holidays and celebrate knowing you are making the most of it. However, if you are interested in learning more tips to survive the anxiety the season brings and thrive in your life. Please schedule a free consultation. You can receive support from the comfort of your home via online therapy from our, Virginia-based therapy practice. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact us by calling to schedule a free consultation
- Check out our FAQs and read more about us
- Begin thriving in your life!
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Anxiety therapy is only one of the many mental health services we offer at our Powhatan, VA counseling practice. We are available for in-person help in Powhatan and online in Virginia. Our other services at Gray Horse Counseling include individual therapy, group therapy, equine sports, clinical supervision, trauma therapy and depression therapy, and more. Check out our FAQs, read about us, and contact us today to get the help you deserve!