Summertime in Virginia is fun and there are so many things to do. During this time, families take vacations that are usually a time of fun and bonding. Traveling to the many sites in Virginia, there are many sites to see and experiences to partake in. Visiting Jamestown, Virginia you can see how colonial families lived. Another fun activity is to go for a carriage ride or even a historical tour in Williamsburg, VA. Yet another opportunity to learn about what life was like then. Then there is St. Johns Church in the Church Hill district of Richmond, where Patrick Henry gave the speech that sparked a revolution for independence in his “Give Me Liberty” speech.
If you head the other way, there are homes of historical presidents such as James Monroe in Ash Lawn-Highland, Thomas Jefferson in Monticello, and James Madison in Montpelier. The presidential history in the area is steep. These homes give a look into the past of what life was like for these presidents. These homes give us a window into their lives on many different levels. They reflect each county that surrounds Richmond, VA. Offering so much informational wealth to someone who is looking to piece together their history.
Independence Isn’t Just For Nations
Often families take vacations in July surrounding the 4th to celebrate the independence of America. This makes me think about all the independence we can gain from our family or even struggling relationships. Can we really seek our freedom from relationships that are not healthy? Even if they are our family? The way we handle relationships is often something we learned in our childhood. It can reflect how our parents treated each other. It can also be a reflection of how our parents interacted with us. So, if these early relationships were tainted with problems or inconsistencies, how does that impact our views on relationships and even ourselves?
The way we view ourselves can impact our relationships and even our ability to have fun on vacations. For example, have you ever felt that you did not deserve something nice like a vacation, new clothes, or a different job? Have you found yourself practicing negative self-talk by saying “You are not worthy.” or telling yourself that your needs are less important than someone else’s? This can even lead to you feeling guilty and ashamed about even minor social infractions or for missing something.
Looking at the Past with Honesty Can Help Change the Future
Attempting to change our relationships with people will require us to take a more honest look at our past relationships. But also how we think of ourselves. The term “narcissism” or “narcissistic” has become more common or yet a buzzword. It’s a trait that has now become an adjective that we toss around with little thought about what it means. Or if the definition actually aligns with the behaviors we are defining.
Narcissism, like most things in the world, is neither good nor bad. Being a little bit of a narcissist allows us to think independently, to stand up for ourselves, and to believe we are worthy. However, being overly selfish creates a problem in how we relate to the world and ourselves. If your parents raised you in this manner or if you had a narcissistic parent, you likely know this well. It’s possible that you were treated as a possession. As something that could be paraded about as needed for the parent’s adoration.
Likely Chaos Was the Norm at Home and Trying to Avoid Getting in Trouble also Became Customary.
Growing up in this environment is difficult at best. It will often lead to feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and shame. Now, there are two different types of narcissism. There is Covert Narcissism and Overt Narcissism. They differ slightly in their presentations, however, they do not differ in the damage caused to the victim.
The Damage Narcissism Causes
The damage narcissism causes its victims will show up in various ways. However, here are three examples of how Covert and Overt Narcissists can cause harm.
They Have to Be Right at Any Cost
Typically, in this scenario, an Overt Narcissist will be overtly demanding. Their brash statements will support comments that may not even be true. Even if there is evidence. The need to be correct for them is overwhelming and all-consuming. Now a Covert Narcissist will be more subtle. They may not state their opinion publicly, but in private.
Their efforts won’t be relentless in their efforts to admit their opinion. They thrive on the ability to tell you, “ I told you I was right.”; “You should have listened to me.” So that the next time you try to think independently, this will be used against you and used as ammunition.
The Lack of Empathy
An Overt Narcissist will use people and things as long as they are useful to them. Once they are no longer needed or useful, they will be discarded without concern for anyone’s feelings. Again, a Covert Narcissist will be more subtle with their actions and intentions.
They will tell you that things you find difficult are for your good. And if you show any emotions, you are being too sensitive. This can lead them to use your expressions of emotion against you when they find it useful to show you how weak you are.
They Feel the Need to Look and Be Perfect
An Overt Narcissist will do this easily. They will insist that everyone has to be perfect and repeat this perfection. Even if there is evidence that this is not possible or that it is not needed. They will make everything about them and what they need. Now, a Covert Narcissist will expect you to be perfect.
They will not accept compliments about them directly. Yet if you are doing things that show how wonderful they are, such as showcasing a skill they taught you, you will be hounded relentlessly to achieve and do more. This way they will be seen as excellent. Again there will be no concern for you or others not noticing how wonderful they are.
These Types of Relationships Will Often Leave You Feeling Worthless
These relationships can also leave you feeling ashamed of almost everything you do. As children of narcissistic parents, you can change how you interact with yourself and others. You can be independent of the shame and guilt that stems from the trauma. One way is with equine therapy. Equine can be helpful by changing what you say to yourself and reframing how you feel about yourself.
In equine therapy, you can work on your communication skills and relationships in a nonjudgemental and non-threatening environment. You will also have the chance to tell your story and change your narrative with the help of horses. The magic of horses and equine therapy is discussed in my other blog posts. If equine therapy is not for you, online therapy is also an option to start changing how you view yourself.
Gain Independence with Trauma Therapy in Richmond, VA
If you want to celebrate your independence from guilt and shame along with beginning new relationships that will be supportive and helpful to you, please get in touch with me. You can schedule an appointment on the website or email me directly. I look forward to discussing further ways you look at your history and find your independence from past trauma. You can start your therapy journey with Gray Horse Counseling by following these steps:
- Contact me and schedule a free consultation.
- Check out my FAQs and read more about me
- Begin looking at your past with honesty and gain the independence you seek!
Other Therapy Services Offered by Gray Horse Counseling
Trauma therapy is only one of the various therapy services offered at Gray Horse Counseling in Powhatan, VA. We offer in-person appointments in Powhatan and online in Virginia. Our other services include individual therapy, life transitions therapy, anxiety therapy, group therapy, equine sports, clinical supervision,, EMDR, and depression therapy. Check out my FAQs, read about me, and contact me today to get the help you deserve!