Riding is a sport of both physical and mental ability.
It tests our ability to remember a course of jumps a test or a specific pattern of things. It requires riders to be able to feel the horse’s body and their own body and make adjustments so that both can jump, spin, or run at their peak performance. This is a sport of mental sharpness, physical strength, and endurance. I am not saying that other sports do not require similar only I think we minimize the amount of both are used and needed in riding. When we ride we must also form a bond and trust with our horse so that we can work as one unit not two.
The relationship you form with your horse is sometimes overlooked when riding.
I have ridden all of my life starting out on a Shetland pony that I adored and would spend all of my time with as a child. I did not need to do anything with the pony I just wanted to sit with her and be with her. She was a typical pony in her tolerant and sometimes accepting ways. She was patient and would allow me to crawl under and around dress her up in clothes and lead her around the house for hours. We had a bond that lasted well through childhood and my adult life. When I was with her I was able to find some peace and reconnect to happy moments and feel that I could go on. She was the beginning of equine therapy for me.
In my teenage years my family was given a horse that I wanted to ride very much. He was talented, fast, and beautiful.
He taught me that he was not my ride. Yes, I could ride him he would not buck or run off or spook with me he was just not willing to do anything. He did everything I asked begrudgingly. When my sister would ride him he would work easily and his manner was different. They worked together as a team. I stopped riding him as it was not fun for me and it was not fun for him and of course, being older told me I could not ride her horse.
I got another horse again. He was supposed to be my horse and for a bit he was. We were able to connect and work well together until we did not. He got an injury and needed several months off and when he came back to work he was different. We did not connect with each other. The more we tried the worse it got. He would not do anything I asked. I decided to stop riding and for several years he was happy to live in a field and eat. Then my mother needed a horse and she got him out of the pasture and started riding him.
To my shock and surprise, they were wonderful together. The horse was patient with her and tolerant. He would do as she asked in dressage and hunting. He would try so hard to please her and she would light up when she was good. I would watch in wonder as this horse who would not do anything for me did everything for her.
When I was an adult I was in search of a new horse and my trainer found a horse she wanted me to try.
We watched as the owner rode, and he was kind and gentle. I remember thinking I would not be able to ride this horse. He is not my type. The owner finished and I got on. I remember that everything felt easy. He seemed to know what I was going to ask for before I did. This was not in anticipation but more in a teaching way he was responsive and yet he would also try to fix anything mistake I would make. Somehow we seemed connected. I of course bought him and we were quite the pair for a short time. He died suddenly in the ring at a show we were competing. This event changed my riding. It took a long time to return to riding after this loss. Riding was suddenly hard and the joy was gone.
These are some of the experiences I have had with my horses there a so many others I could tell and will at some point in this journey. The bond you form or do not form with your horse will affect your riding. So is it possible to deepen the connection with your horse? I think it is but I think it is equally important to recognize when it is not a good fit. So you may be asking “When do I know”? I can only say if you trust yourself you will know when there is nothing wrong with you or your horse except you do not connect with each other.
How can I build a better relationship with my horse? Below are a couple of techniques that may be helpful in accomplishing this.
Spending time with your horse not riding.
Do you ever just go and sit with your horse or take them for a walk or watch your horse in the field? What is your horse like in the field when no one is watching? Just observing their behavior can help you understand them. Just as with our human friends, we need to be able to spend time with our horses to have a relationship. We need to be able to “hang out” together.
Play with or on your horse.
I do not mean tease your horse but actually play with your horse on the ground this will take some experimentation to see if your horse will play and what they like to do. We know how to play with a dog fetch or frisbee or just a belly rub. Horses will play it is will require a little thought and observation to find something but you will find something your horse will enjoy. When riding spend a few minutes doing something easy something you enjoy. Have you ever ridden bareback? Have you ever taken your horse swimming? Again it will take some thought but doing something that will bring the joy back to riding for you is play.
How do think about your horse?
Do you think of your horse as a partner, as a companion, or just a mode of transportation? How do you want to think about your horse? What do you say about your horse? My horse can not do X because Y. My horse is __________ As with what we think about ourselves what we think about our horses will also be how we respond to them. If we think our horse can not do something then chances are they will not because we do not believe in ourselves or them. Saying how you want the relationship with your horse to be will help it to become real.
Begin Equine Therapist in Virginia
These are a few things that could help change the relationship you have with your equine partner. The relationship you have can change and remember just like humans our friendships change and sometimes we need to make new friends. It is ok if you realize that you and your horse do not get along in fact it may be the best decision for both of you. If you continue to ride something you can not connect with both of you likely not enjoying it and it will only get worse. If you would like to work on your relationship with Gary Horse Counseling, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact me and schedule a free consultation.
- Check out my FAQs and read more about me
- Start creating deeper bonds with your horse!
Other Services Offered with Gray Horse Counseling
Equine assested therapy isn’t the only service offered by Gray Horse Counseling. I’m happy to offer therapy for men and a variety of other services to support the mental health of folks in Powhatan, VA, and across the state via online therapy. Other services at Gray Horse Counseling include individual therapy, depression therapy, anxiety therapy, group therapy, equine sports, clinical supervision, self esteem therapy, and trauma therapy. Check out my FAQs, read about me, and contact me today to get the help you deserve!