We all know that breaking up is hard to do. Life transitions like these are always difficult to navigate. There have been many songs, movies, books, and stories about how hard it is to break up with someone. It may be harder to maintain a relationship. Relationships give our lives passion and connection with other people. So, how do we know if a relationship is healthy or unhealthy? Relationships provide us with a sense of support, connection, and love when they are healthy. These relationships are generally based on respect, communication, and trust. So, how do you know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship?
Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships is crucial for making informed decisions about the relationships we choose to have in our lives.
Listed below are the basics of growing a healthy relationship:
- Communication: Relationships require effective communication. Expressing your needs, feelings, and boundaries openly and honestly to your partner is essential. This is often much harder to do than we may first think. Communication involves both speaking and listening. It requires that we can accurately convey how we feel our expectations and our needs. Often, we believe we have accurately given these things. It is usually essential to confirm with the person what we have said and what they have heard.
- Trust: Trust is an essential component of a healthy relationship. Trust is often achieved through effective communication. Trust is also developed from being honest with the person sometimes; this may involve telling someone that will be difficult to hear.
- Respect: Respect is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship. Respecting our partners involves not interfering with their decision-making and being able to express their feelings freely. Respect will also include not imposing our views or values on our partners.
- Support: A healthy relationship involves supporting your partner, which can include emotional, financial, or other types of support. Support can be as simple as listening to what they have to say, helping them with a difficult task, or even just saying something nice or encouraging.
- Boundaries: Both partners must respect each other’s boundaries. Boundaries can be seen or physical or unseen feelings. It is easy to know that we have crossed a boundary when we step on someone’s foot, but it is not so easy to understand sometimes if we have hurt their feelings without effective communication.
- Flexibility: This is important to any relationship, as is understanding the importance of making adjustments and addressing concerns quickly and effectively.
- Time: It is essential to make time for your partner and to express to your partner that you want to.
A saying says you can not take care of someone else if you are not taking care of yourself. This is very true and is also sometimes hard to do. Practicing self-care effectively is very important in maintaining a healthy relationship.
So, if we dive a bit deeper into the skills we listed above, we can see how these grow into helping us maintain a healthy relationship. Below is a list of skills and tips that can help to maintain a healthy relationship.
- Acceptance: This is genuinely accepting the person for who they are with flaws and problems. It also can mean recognizing that people change and grow over time. Focusing on the positive parts of the relationship will help cultivate acceptance and growth.
- Respect for independence: While it is essential to do things together, it is also important to encourage each other to pursue hobbies and interests of their own. Respecting the need to be alone or do something different will be important in creating independence.
- Honesty: Honesty is important in developing trust, one of the abovementioned characteristics. Being able to openly discuss feelings and thoughts even when your partner may not agree with you or like what is being said is essential to helping with forming trust. Avoiding secrets is important in creating honesty in a relationship.
- Emotional intimacy: This could also be described as vulnerability with your partner. It can also be recognizing and making space for your partner to be vulnerable with you. Feeling safe when vulnerable with another person can help the relationship grow more emotionally intimate and more sustainable. This feeling is often created by spending time together and openly discussing thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Equal power dynamic: Equality is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. This relates to all aspects of the relationship, such as financial, housekeeping, and emotional responsibility, which will be necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship.
- Support for personal growth: It is important to offer support to your partner in a relationship and feel supported in a relationship. Encouraging each other to pursue career and personal growth and development will help. Providing help or suggestions when requested is important in creating a supportive environment.
The more of these skills, qualities, and characteristics your relationship has, the more likely it is to be healthy and to maintain healthy boundaries and characteristics. All relationships are different; however, maintaining a healthy relationship will be easier by focusing on honesty, trust, respect, and communication.
We have talked a great deal about healthy relationships, so what are some signs of an unhealthy relationship? Well, as one might expect, it will oppose a healthy relationship. Listed below are some of the characteristics of unhealthy relationships.
- Lack of communication: In an unhealthy relationship, the communication styles will not support open communication. Partners may not feel they can express their needs or feelings, often leading to resentment, confusion, and distrust in the relationship.
- Lack of trust: In an unhealthy relationship, if the communication is not effective and open, it is difficult for trust to be there. The feelings of insecurity and dependency may arise in this environment. These feelings will continue to deteriorate the relationship further.
- Lack of respect: In an unhealthy relationship, lack of respect and autonomy can lead to hurt, distrust, and dependency in the relationship. Understanding the boundaries of each person is important to maintaining respect.
- Lack of support: In an unhealthy relationship, if one or both partners are not supportive of each other’s time, space, boundaries, and interests, one or both partners may feel isolated, abandoned, and rejected. Again, this only furthers feelings of hurt and resentment in the relationship, possibly leading to more resentment and manipulation of feelings and behaviors.
- Poor conflict resolution: Unhealthy conflict resolution is often a form of manipulation and disrespect for boundaries. This can be done through name-calling, ignoring, or violence. Any of these techniques only increase the resentment, hurt, and distrust in the relationship.
Maintaining a healthy relationship takes work from both partners and a commitment to communicate effectively and openly.
Relationships are also growing things that need time and space to continue to thrive. Understanding yourself and knowing what you need and want in a relationship will help the relationship maintain a healthy stance. When we cannot speak freely or feel safe with the other person, resentment, hurt, and anger creep into the relationship. This article has primarily discussed intimate relationships. However, the points discussed here will hold for most relationships with friends or family. Relationships have their own life and challenges; however, if you can approach the relationship with honesty and effective communication, it is more likely to maintain a healthy track. If you want to discuss other aspects and ways of creating and developing a healthy relationship and how to transition, please get in touch with me to schedule a consultation.
Begin Therapy for Life Transitions in Virginia
Taking the next step in addressing unhealthy relationships can be difficult. This is why I’m happy to offer support during this transition and other experiences you may face. I would be happy to provide support from my Powhatan-based practice and across the state. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
- Schedule a free consultation
- Get to know more about me or visit the FAQ
- Start receiving the support you deserve!
Other Services Offered with Gray Horse Counseling
As a therapist, I know and understand you may experience concerns with more than one mental health issue. This is why I’m excited to offer other services in addition to life transitions therapy. These include individual therapy, anxiety therapy, group therapy, clinical supervision, EMDR, and depression therapy. I’m also happy to offer trauma therapy, equine sports therapy, and coaching as well. Learn more by visiting my FAQ today!