The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. Allan Watts
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw
Change is Equal to Transition
Changes could be about something we know is coming or something we are unaware is headed toward us. It could be something that we have learned about and not wanted to face yet. It could be a change we have waited for that is not coming or will not happen. There is also change that occurs so slowly, and it isn’t easy to see or recognize. Change or transition is constant and is always with us. Yet, I believe that we may more often than not fight and try to keep it from happening, fear it, or deny it. This could be because when we change, we leave something behind ( or at least we feel that way). We forget that we are also usually gaining something. When we walk, we are moving, and that is what change is all about. You could say when walking, we are transitioning from one place to another. We are moving from one place to another.
At this time, the world seems to be transitioning from one thing to another. There seem to be so many transitions. So, as we transition into the winter season, we may be looking at transitions and how we feel about these transitions.
As I stated earlier, transition often brings us sadness, sorrow, and a sense of longing or loss. This can be true even when the transition is happy, such as a wedding, the birth of another child, or getting a new job. These are examples of changes we can see and know about. How we handle them is different from other transitions.
The definition of transition according to Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Transition (noun)
- 1a: A change or shift from one state, subject, place, etc., to another
- b: A period or phase in which such a change or shift is happening
- 2: Something that links one state, subject, place, etc., to another: a connecting part or piece
- a: A passage of discourse in which a shift (as of subject or location) is effected
- b: A segment connecting one dramatic scene to another
- c: A passage linking two sections of a piece of music: BRIDGE
- 3: A process by which a transgender or nonbinary (see NONBINARY sense c) person comes to live in accordance with their gender identity through changes to their appearance and presentation often with the aid of medical procedures and therapies
- 4: An abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy
Transition (verb)
- 1a: intransitive: to make a change or shift from one state, subject, place, etc. to another: to make a transition
- b: transitive: to cause (something or someone) to change or shift from one state, subject, place, etc. to another
- 2 intransitive of a transgender person: to come to live in accordance with one’s gender identity through a process that involves changes to one’s appearance and presentation often with the aid of medical procedures and therapies
The word transition is a noun or verb; all meanings are about movement and change.
These transitions can cause fear and instability and affect people differently. A person’s mindset can significantly impact and change how we handle transitions. For more information about mindset, please see last month’s blog. Let’s look at a couple of different types of transitions and some ways of dealing with the effects of the transitions.
Anticipated Transitions
These are transitions that we know are coming. Graduating high school or college, the death of a loved one who has been sick, moving, marriage, and vacations are all examples of anticipated transitions. We know These changes are coming, and we can prepare or plan. These transitions, with support and planning, can be smooth and much less stressful. If we do not have enough support during these times, it can be challenging to get through these transitions and can increase the stress surrounding an event. The death of someone who has been sick or who has a terminal illness is different from when someone dies suddenly. Transitioning through grief is often difficult as we often feel we are not doing it correctly when, in fact, there is no correct way to grieve, only grieving.
Unanticipated Transitions
These are the transitions that we are not prepared for or that we did not see coming. A car accident, the sudden death of someone we care about, the promotion to a new job, the loss of a job, the breakup of a relationship. The unexpected nature of these transitions makes them more stressful; however, they are also chances for growth again, depending on mindset and support. Accepting change is also very helpful in moving forward. Acceptance does not mean that you like the change more but are willing to make room for the difference. Check out previous blogs for more about acceptance and making room for things.
Non-transitions
These are the transitions or changes we thought would happen but never did—the vacation we planned but did not take for several reasons. The move we did not make, maybe we did another action. These transitions create great anxiety in our heads and great anticipation as we keep waiting for them to happen. These transitions can continue to generate tension and stress as long as we allow them to occupy our minds. Sometimes, either taking the action needed to make the move will lessen the anxiety, or we may need to accept that this change is not happening.
Quiet transitions
These transitions happen slowly and often without us noticing the change. Becoming proficient in a skill we have been practicing can exemplify a positive, quiet shift. These transitions may not cause the same level of stress unless we continue to be hard on ourselves for our not accomplishing goals or doing it too slowly. The slow decline in our health or changes in a relationship can lead to a divorce or breakup. This is sometimes disregarding the changes that we are aware of or just hoping that things will get better. We may not be ready to handle this transition, so we delay by not responding. This can lead to additional stress and the need for other coping skills.
Often, during the transition, we experience anxiety or excitement as we move through the transition. It can almost feel overwhelming to manage these changes, and then after the transition, it can take some time to adjust to the growth. We need time to adapt and accept the changes. So, how do we make these transitions more straightforward to manage?
Acceptance of new reality does not mean one has to like it; however, it does mean one is willing to deal with it.
Prepare to feel uncomfortable, recognize that this will be a process, and be kind to yourself and compassionate that you will not feel great at times or even often. Allow the feelings of uncomfortableness to come and go. Transitions are challenges, not threats; reframing the transitions as challenges, not as threats, can help lower the anxiety and sense of overwhelming you may feel about them.
Self-care is important, so recognize what self-care is for you individually. You need to care for yourself and permit yourself to do that instead of thinking there is a right way to self-care. Keeping routines and taking care of oneself physically is also essential in managing transitions. The support network is needed to help move through a transition. We have people to go to for support or help and being able to ask for help. It is okay to ask for help.
To deal with your emotions, become expressive and creative – for instance, write in a journal or write a letter to your loved one. Keeping a journal just for yourself can be so helpful. Writing down our thoughts and feelings is an essential part of healing. Your faith and spirituality can also be a great source of strength and helpful in managing stress transitions and grief. Grief and mourning are legitimate experiences that deserve compassion, sensitivity, and respect to navigate, process, and resolve.
Begin Therapy for Life Transitions in Virginia
Change is the one thing that is certain in this world. We can accept it and roll with it, or we can deny it, fight it, and be overwhelmed. Grief is part of change, and learning to accept grief is a part of learning to accept change. If you would like more information about moving quickly through transitions or coping skills to help navigate change, please get in touch with me and schedule a time to discuss further. I am happy to offer support from my Powhatan, VA-based practice and across Virginia. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
- Contact me and schedule a free consultation.
- Visit my FAQs and learn more about me
- Start embracing change!
Other Services Offered with Gray Horse Counseling
Life transition therapy isn’t the only service I offer support with addressing. I know that you may also be struggling with a variety of other mental health concerns. This is why I’m excited to offer individual therapy, anxiety therapy, group therapy, clinical supervision, trauma therapy, EMDR, and depression therapy. I’m also happy to offer equine sports therapy, and coaching as well. Learn more by visiting my FAQ today!